I just heard a podcast about alcohol and it struck a cord [or two] with me.
I am pretty confident I don’t have the healthiest
relationship with alcohol.
This isn’t a huge revelation, more just a ‘say it out loud’ kind of thing. I’m not a mean drunk, or a destructive drunk. I’m just happy and fun with a rare moment of sadness or frustration. I earned the name TANK because I can put it away and be ‘fine’. Some have commented “I’ve never seen you drunk” Uhh, pretty sure I was shitfaced last weekend Becky.
One of the podcast hosts [M] spoke about the same kind of thing. She mentioned being able to drink more than her friends and end up being the responsible one to walk them home. I’m pretty similar, but that part isn’t what I want to focus on. What I want to focus on is ‘Why’. The other Host [W] spoke about the effects during and after that are so damaging. Things I’m not oblivious to, but hadn’t heard presented in such a basic, non-judgemental, thought provoking way. Not in a way that says “you a alcoholic, get sober, go to meetings!”
[W] referenced a book “The Alcohol Experiment” and it challenges you to go without alcohol for 30 days. You don’t have to quit forever or go to AA mtgs, but see what happens in that 30 days. I have done this before for weight loss reasons and I’ve been fine. So that leads me to the actual relationship I have with Alcohol. Why do I feel I need to drink often and drink so much. Clearly I’m chasing a feeling I can’t find from something else or from within. I also find when I do start drinking, I don’t want to come down from that buzz, so I keep chugging. One of the things I like about being drunk is getting tired and just passing out. I have often had trouble falling asleep, so this was my go-to solution most of the time. I also feel like my thoughts are more clear when I’m drunk……weird right?? I’m a shy person until I get to know you but who has time for that at parties? Vodka Soda to the rescue!
I have so may stories about my drinking shenanigans, but thats for another time. What I would like to focus on is the next 30 days. I want to read this book, listen to that podcast again, and see what comes out of it. Maybe I will stay sober, maybe I won’t but what I do know is I want something to change.
xo-mel