Yesterday was 30 days since I had a drink. I accomplished something I set out to do and I’m proud of that. I have been known to quit in the middle of a lot of things. Just look at all my unfinished projects around the house! I also read a whole book. Granted it was The Alcohol Experiment and it was a few pages a day, but I did it damnit!
So what have I learned, if anything?
Well at the moment, I learned I am capable of being alcohol free. I’ll admit it’s a lot easier during a pandemic simply because I’m not going to parties or social events where I would normally drink. I was however drinking a lot at home and I really needed that to stop for financial reasons and for my health. I have found I don’t miss it or crave it. I was drinking more or less because I was bored. I am hoping this allows my body to heal. I don’t know if I will drink again, but I have enjoyed this ‘experiment’ free from judgement. Something I find AA to be full of, even though I know they don’t mean it to be. I have often found AA to be another addiction, an addiction to the meetings. But I know it works tremendously for so many people and I won’t ever fault the organization for that. More than anything I wanted to get control of how much I drank and why. I’m sure I’ll drink again, but next time I’ll be more mindful.
So since I know I drink from boredom, I have tried to keep myself busy with new routines, focuses, habits. I still find I gravitate towards the TV to entertain, knowing I have plenty to do. Chores, pack/get rid of stuff, work on website, journal, freelance, research, learning, reading…… BUT, it’s not as often, so there’s that.
I started making my bed (21 Sep), not full on tucked sheets and hospital corners (though that does look nice) but I pull covers up and make an effort. Always throws me off when I walk in my room, but I feel accomplished and orderly.
On the negative side I have found the other reason I drank was so I could fall asleep better. Even after 30+ days of no alcohol, my body has not adjusted to better sleep. This week I have had 2 sleepless nights. I’d go to bed around 1000/1030 and just lay there, eyes closed hoping to drift off and rest, but nope. On the nights I do fall asleep within and hour or two, I wake up a few hours later just to pee and drink water. So my sleep has not been refreshing. I am hoping this will soon change. Who knows maybe my body had some serious healing to do and I just need to be patient.
Overall, I am super happy I did this. I found it funny that after that podcast, I felt totally convicted and motivated to do it. I didn’t even think twice about it. I would highly recommend anyone do this even if you only slightly question your drinking habits. It’s done in such a non-judgemental, not permanent way. It’s just 30 days and you decide what to do after that!
xo-mel