So this is pretty typical of me, I get excited and focused about a new idea or plan and I’m ALL IN…..until I’m not. So the plan was to be on top of working out, eating right, drinking less, journaling, educating, reading….etc. You get the idea. Well as most of us do, it fizzled out about 6 weeks in. Not sure why, maybe it’s just my personality, but I don’t like it. Maybe I expect too much of my self or I’m too hard on ‘getting it right/perfect’. Either way, I just need to dive in and stop trying to do things a certain way.
So having said that, let me dive into the last month of happenings.
We had an Election. It came and went WITH incident. I don’t need to spell out details, but the incumbent president did not like results, so he has continued to dispute/sue/discredit. Meanwhile, the President-elect has moved on with the transition. We will find out official results on 15 Dec. In regard to the last 4 years of the presidency, I knew it has played a toll on me, but I didn’t realize how much until recently I have found myself laughing more and feeling hopeful. Don’t get me wrong we still have a lot of issues as a country and have a lot of work ahead but bottom line is, we have possibility to make change. Hell, I cried during the President-elect’s speech rally. We will have the first black, Indian woman VP!! Thats worth a few happy tears.
During this last year in particular so much has come to light on systemic racism and injustice that has always been. My SIL (Mexican) has over the years educated me and my bro on some of this and being white with privilege, I only saw a tiny bit of it. Not because I denied it, but because I didn’t have to experience it ….. I could just ‘turn away’ and forget. She never gave up and with that plus the last year, my eyes have been pulled wide open and am doing what I can to educate myself and support where I can. Now every time I hear someone talk about this, I listen, I get it, I wanna change it. Anyway, it’s part of my dialogue now.
Another thing I have been doing is ‘deconstructing my faith’. I didn’t know I wanted to, but recent podcast conversations have led me down this path. It is tied into my sexuality, the election, the church, injustice, etc. My mind is full of jumbled thoughts and ideas I just don’t know where to start. Probably why I haven’t journaled much. But each entry doesn’t have to tell the whole story or be perfect. If anything I can go back and re read these and see a story of growth unfold.
I’m getting close to being able to quit my job and go full-time freelance. Which is crazy, because I’m not used to getting to full fill my dreams. I have worked hard (tho I could have worked harder to get here quicker) and its gonna happen. Come the first of the year, I will be setup up to quit at any time. I will wait it out a bit since I am already working from home so I might as well keep the steady pay check and beni’s until things go back to the new normal. So it kinda feels a little freelancey, just still have a boss.
Anywho, those are the big rocks and I will unfold them over time (I hope).
xo-mel